Breakups: How to Move On

I’ve just come across this post I wrote 3 years ago and figured since I am so far removed from the situation, I should publish it. It can be scary putting something personal online but I hope seeing the raw feelings of a girl who had her first heartbreak and how she dealt with it can help someone who is struggling to cope with their own broken heart.

Image from Tumblr

This year, I’ve experienced one of the toughest things I had to go through, my first broken heart. I never expected to feel so much pain when my boyfriend, who was also my best friend before we started dating, ended things completely out of nowhere. It’s a feeling that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. So with that being said, I feel that it’s important for me to share my advice on how to get out of the post-breakup depression, or at least how I did.

Being that he was my best friend, when things ended I just wanted to see him and spend time with him – regain our friendship at the very least. So when my friend gave me the advice to distance myself from him, I shut it down right away. This was the wrong thing to do. Distance is key. The more I tried to force him back into my life the more I got hurt. Hanging out with him when he acted like we had nothing special, waiting for him to text back, seeing him with other girls; each and every bit of it shattered my heart into more pieces.

Before creating distance, I do recommend getting every ounce of closure you can. It’s important not to think “oh maybe we will get back together”. I mean depending on your situation, maybe you will, but please do not torture yourself with that idea; it’s truly nothing but torture. Accept that it’s over and get the confirmation from him. Now this will hurt too, but in my case it was the last time my heart shattered over him. I asked him to talk, in order to truly understand why things ended. It confirmed that he wasn’t on the fence, it was over – there wouldn’t be a fairytale moment where he realizes he was an idiot, begs me to take him back, and pulls me in for a passionate kiss. NO. Like I said those thoughts are torture. I left the conversation hurt and shaken up but more ready to move on, there was nothing left to grasp on to.

I stopped texting him and avoided hanging out with our group of friends when he was around. The more space I created, the better I felt. As time went on, the less I thought about him. This includes social media as well; stop checking his Facebook page. So get your closure and put down that phone! Once the space was created, I finally worked up enough courage to make some new friends (since my ex and I had the same friend group). The new group has been great; fun to be around and they helped me forget. And you know what? A rebound or two doesn’t hurt. ;)

I really hope this can help anyone out there going through heartbreak. Just know that it’s okay to be sad, you lost someone truly important to you and it can feel like a death – it did for me. Eventually the tears will dry up.

They say, ‘time heals all wounds’. Well I thought time was a real bitch, cause it was taking too long to heal. In reality, the quote is true. Be patient. The best piece of advice that I was given was to remind yourself “you are not sad. IT’S JUST A FEELING”. Whether you are feeling sad, anxious, depressed, angry, remember it is just a feeling and like a flame it’ll burn out and go away. You are going to be happy again. And believe me, there is someone out there who is MUCH BETTER for you.

– Samantha

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11 thoughts on “Breakups: How to Move On

  1. David says:

    Sam, such a great post. Thank you for having the courage. Vulnerability is one of the most likeable and sought after traits in a human. I hope you are doing better and stay inspirational. Thanks for allowing me into your life through your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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